Part One:
Part Three:
Part Four:
Part Five:
Part Six:
Analysis Is Magic
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Race, Redemption, and Revelation
The rather pompous title of this post refers to a panel I gave on Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood a couple of years back. I no longer completely agree with what I say here--in particular, the section on race at the beginning is <I>appallingly</I> naïve, simplistic, and, dare I say it, demonstrative of massive unexamined privilege, but still I think it's a reasonably interesting panel.
Part One:
Part Two:
Part Three:
Part Four:
Part Five:
Part Six:
Part One:
Part Three:
Part Four:
Part Five:
Part Six:
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Fullmetal Alchemy
Apologies for this being a few minutes late. It is, as you may note, rather a bit longer than the typical Wednesday Whatever (in word count, it is more than ten times the minimum length I shoot for on the Sunday articles).
So, as I've mentioned a couple of times, I'm a regular commenter at Mark Watches. Today, he finished <I>Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood</I>, the anime adaptation of my favorite manga. Throughout his reviews of the series, I've been posting what I call Episode-Specific Alchemy Lessons, quick mini-essays on the history and practice of alchemy in the real world, tied in to the events of the show. I didn't do them for every episode (not by a long shot), but they were a lot of fun to write and hopefully will be interesting for all of you. All of them are behind the cut, with the rot13 I used to hide spoilers removed.
So, as I've mentioned a couple of times, I'm a regular commenter at Mark Watches. Today, he finished <I>Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood</I>, the anime adaptation of my favorite manga. Throughout his reviews of the series, I've been posting what I call Episode-Specific Alchemy Lessons, quick mini-essays on the history and practice of alchemy in the real world, tied in to the events of the show. I didn't do them for every episode (not by a long shot), but they were a lot of fun to write and hopefully will be interesting for all of you. All of them are behind the cut, with the rot13 I used to hide spoilers removed.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I haven't let my inner science nerd out to play in a while...
Rewatched several of the Marvel movies yesterday (Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers, and as of writing I'm considering whether to watch an Iron Man, though that will be difficult seeing as Netflix doesn't have them), because it'll be a little while before I can go see Thor 2. I have to say, at first I thought the Tesseract was just a bit of technobabble, throwing out a science-y sounding word, but the more I think about it, the more it works for me.
The key is, there are a couple of mentions of "dark energy" in The Avengers in relation to the Tesseract. Like a tesseract, dark energy is a real scientific term; it refers to a hypothetical form of energy that is causing the observed expansion of the universe (hence "dark"--we can deduce its existence from observing its effects, but have yet to detect it or confirm its source). Dark energy appears to permeate all of space and act on space itself, causing it to expand. It is very weak, which is why it hasn't completely shredded the universe; even as space expands, gravity is strong enough to hold structures like galaxies, stars, and planets together, let alone the much stronger electromagnetic and nuclear forces holding together smaller structures such as atomic nuclei, molecules, and people. Despite this weakness, because there is just so much space, dark energy ends up being the majority of all energy in the universe.
Which brings us to the Tesseract, which appears to draw on dark energy to generate power. Of course, the amount of dark energy in a region of space as small as that cube wouldn't be enough to run an EZ Bake Oven, let alone power a Nazi super-science army, but the name gives a clue to how it could work.
In real life, a tesseract is a four-dimensional cubic prism; that is, it has the same relationship to a cube as a cube has to a square. If you do the math, you'll find that it has a total "surface volume" eight times that of a single cubical "face," but still, eight times that tiny cube is only slightly less tiny. However, thanks to Madeleine L'Engle's classic children's science fiction novel A Wrinkle in Time, in science fiction "tesseract" has a second meaning: a four-dimensional fold in space that connects two points that are very distant three-dimensionally. Given what the tesseract does when Red Skull activates it at the end of Captain America, and that it enables the opening of a gate for the Chitauri to invade Earth in The Avengers, it seems pretty likely that this is the definition meant.
At which point it makes total sense that it is able to tap vast amounts of dark energy. We have no idea how much space it's capable of folding up, but given that the Chitauri expect to conquer the universe, we can assume it's a lot. Now it can access the dark energy of vast swaths of interstellar space, folding them up so that they can all be accessed through that one little cube.
Which leads to another fun thought: what if someone mass-produced them? As it stands, there is enough dark energy in the universe to keep it expanding forever. If the "quintessence" theory of dark energy is correct, then the amount of dark energy in the universe is actually increasing over time; eventually there will be nothing else, and space will shred itself completely. Using up the dark energy of interstellar space seems like a good idea, to keep the universe from flying apart. On the other hand, use up too much, and you eventually hit a point where there's more gravity than dark energy, and the universe starts to collapse in on itself. You could set a pretty interesting story in a universe where that's starting to happen, and people are faced with choosing between giving up their main energy source or dooming the universe--but obvious as the answer is, it isn't easy, because it's a very slow doom that none living will see.
Too on the nose, perhaps?
The key is, there are a couple of mentions of "dark energy" in The Avengers in relation to the Tesseract. Like a tesseract, dark energy is a real scientific term; it refers to a hypothetical form of energy that is causing the observed expansion of the universe (hence "dark"--we can deduce its existence from observing its effects, but have yet to detect it or confirm its source). Dark energy appears to permeate all of space and act on space itself, causing it to expand. It is very weak, which is why it hasn't completely shredded the universe; even as space expands, gravity is strong enough to hold structures like galaxies, stars, and planets together, let alone the much stronger electromagnetic and nuclear forces holding together smaller structures such as atomic nuclei, molecules, and people. Despite this weakness, because there is just so much space, dark energy ends up being the majority of all energy in the universe.
Which brings us to the Tesseract, which appears to draw on dark energy to generate power. Of course, the amount of dark energy in a region of space as small as that cube wouldn't be enough to run an EZ Bake Oven, let alone power a Nazi super-science army, but the name gives a clue to how it could work.
In real life, a tesseract is a four-dimensional cubic prism; that is, it has the same relationship to a cube as a cube has to a square. If you do the math, you'll find that it has a total "surface volume" eight times that of a single cubical "face," but still, eight times that tiny cube is only slightly less tiny. However, thanks to Madeleine L'Engle's classic children's science fiction novel A Wrinkle in Time, in science fiction "tesseract" has a second meaning: a four-dimensional fold in space that connects two points that are very distant three-dimensionally. Given what the tesseract does when Red Skull activates it at the end of Captain America, and that it enables the opening of a gate for the Chitauri to invade Earth in The Avengers, it seems pretty likely that this is the definition meant.
At which point it makes total sense that it is able to tap vast amounts of dark energy. We have no idea how much space it's capable of folding up, but given that the Chitauri expect to conquer the universe, we can assume it's a lot. Now it can access the dark energy of vast swaths of interstellar space, folding them up so that they can all be accessed through that one little cube.
Which leads to another fun thought: what if someone mass-produced them? As it stands, there is enough dark energy in the universe to keep it expanding forever. If the "quintessence" theory of dark energy is correct, then the amount of dark energy in the universe is actually increasing over time; eventually there will be nothing else, and space will shred itself completely. Using up the dark energy of interstellar space seems like a good idea, to keep the universe from flying apart. On the other hand, use up too much, and you eventually hit a point where there's more gravity than dark energy, and the universe starts to collapse in on itself. You could set a pretty interesting story in a universe where that's starting to happen, and people are faced with choosing between giving up their main energy source or dooming the universe--but obvious as the answer is, it isn't easy, because it's a very slow doom that none living will see.
Too on the nose, perhaps?
Monday, November 11, 2013
Manatees with Memories
Okay, yes, I'm watching Arrested Development and Supernatural for the first time. It's 2003 in my house. It's awful; Bush is still President, everybody's getting shipped off to war, and Fullmetal Alchemist is a dark, cynical series with an absolutely terrible left-field final twist and a seriously small-potatoes villain.
Anyway, as I've gotten into the second season I've noticed something interesting the show does structurally. Much like Family Guy and the comedies it inspired, it relies heavily on cutaway gags, but where most of the cutaways in Family Guy and its ilk are non sequiturs, in Arrested Development they are quite frequently references to past episodes.
This is a very interesting way to use the growing emphasis on continuity in American television (which is largely a product of the increasing availability and accessibility of archives of past episodes via first home video, then DVD, and especially the rise of on-demand streaming services). Most reference-heavy shows use references to past episodes to enhance the appearance of dramatic unity (not quite in the Aristotelian sense, but close enough) and reward dedicated viewing, but Arrested Development does something quite different. By using them as cutaway gags, which by their nature are disruptive and jarring, the references simultaneously create an appearance of dramatic unity to reward dedicated viewers, while also creating a non sequitur joke to amuse more casual viewers who don't catch the reference.
It's honestly quite a clever way to combine current fads in both dramatic and comedic television to get something that feels fresh and original. I can see why people made a big deal about this show, and why it's still remembered so fondly a decade later.
Anyway, as I've gotten into the second season I've noticed something interesting the show does structurally. Much like Family Guy and the comedies it inspired, it relies heavily on cutaway gags, but where most of the cutaways in Family Guy and its ilk are non sequiturs, in Arrested Development they are quite frequently references to past episodes.
This is a very interesting way to use the growing emphasis on continuity in American television (which is largely a product of the increasing availability and accessibility of archives of past episodes via first home video, then DVD, and especially the rise of on-demand streaming services). Most reference-heavy shows use references to past episodes to enhance the appearance of dramatic unity (not quite in the Aristotelian sense, but close enough) and reward dedicated viewing, but Arrested Development does something quite different. By using them as cutaway gags, which by their nature are disruptive and jarring, the references simultaneously create an appearance of dramatic unity to reward dedicated viewers, while also creating a non sequitur joke to amuse more casual viewers who don't catch the reference.
It's honestly quite a clever way to combine current fads in both dramatic and comedic television to get something that feels fresh and original. I can see why people made a big deal about this show, and why it's still remembered so fondly a decade later.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Don't worry, old Fluttershy's back for good. (Hurricane Fluttershy)
 |
| SNOWFLAME FEELS NO PAIN! |
In less good news, fighting continues to escalate in the Syrian civil war, and Rick Santorum wins the Republican primary in Louisiana. On the other hand, unemployment hits a four-year low in the U.S.
"Hurricane Fluttershy," directed by Jayson Thiessen, is one of writer Cindy Morrow's weaker episodes in Season Two, which says quite a bit for how much she's improved since Season One. In that season, she was reliably mediocre, but her baseline in Season Two is a solid notch above that, with her best work of the season, "Read It and Weep," one of the show's true gems.
It is another character study of Fluttershy, and returns to the pattern of Fluttershy's first focus episode, "Dragonshy," by having her encounter a situation that involves one of her many fears, slowly learn to overcome that fear, and then save the day. However, in this case the enemy Fluttershy must overcome is not an externalization of her anxieties in the form of a monster, but rather completely internalized anxieties in the form of crippling flashbacks.
It's thus important that Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle be the other two main characters featured in this episode. Twilight Sparkle needs to be here, albeit primarily as an observer, because this is a companion piece to "It's About Time." In my article on that episode I wrote that the season's study of time is largely over, but that's not actually true. That episode completes the season's study of time as a phenomenon, which means here, as well as in one other episode remaining this season, it can examine what happens when time is removed as a factor, when the past leaks into the present or the present rewrites the past.
In the case of this episode, it's the former, which is why Rainbow Dash needs to be present. Fluttershy is held captive by her past, and specifically by an experience we have already seen she shared with Rainbow Dash, attending, and being teased, at Flight Camp when they were young. Notably, we've seen little sign that Rainbow Dash even remembers the teasing--her namecalling by the jock/bully ponies occurs only in Fluttershy's flashback in "The Cutie Mark Chronicles," while Rainbow Dash's begins after the teasing has already occurred. It appears not to have been a significant for her.
For Fluttershy, on the other hand, the teasing that occurred at Flight Camp was psychologically shattering, to the point that engaging in any kind of competitive flying--even one where all the competitors are trying to beat their own best wing power ratings, not competing against one another--functions as a flashback trigger for her, causing her to relive the pain she felt as if the event is still occurring, and this trigger is compounded if she is laughed at or criticized during the event. Indeed, both her flashback (in the literary sense) to the event and her flashbacks (in the post-traumatic stress sense) depict the ponies laughing at her as genericized masks. The teasing has ceased to be a specific event in her mind, if it ever was an isolated event; there is every reason to believe it occurred repeatedly, since once children find that a peer is easily cowed by mass teasing, that peer tends to become a favored target.
The masks show that the teasing is no longer a particular memory of an event perpetrated by specific ponies, but an icon, a defining moment. Fluttershy has internalized the way she felt in that moment, made it a part of who she is, and so her fear that it will return becomes self-fulfilling. Overwhelmed by her terror of being laughed at, she locks up and is unable to fly well, even though we have at least once seen her outrace Rainbow Dash, in "The Return of Harmony." As a result, she performs poorly and is laughed at, confirming her fears, triggering a flashback, and making it still harder for her to handle competitive flying.
For Rainbow Dash, this is incomprehensible. She has been shown confronting her fears before, most recently in "Read It and Weep," and her approach has always been, well, confrontational. She deals with fear by meeting it head-on and getting to the other side, because Rainbow Dash's self-image is that she is brave. When she is afraid, she instinctively responds (as most people do) in a way consistent with her self-image, and thus when she makes it through the scary experience this confirms to her that she is brave, making her even more confident the next time she encounters something that frightens her.
Rainbow Dash thus naturally assumes that the thing to do is to build Fluttershy's confidence by forcing her through the frightening experience. Unfortunately, post-traumatic stress doesn't work that way. It is a psychic allergy, in which a normally harmless stimulus becomes associated with trauma and therefore triggers an overreactive psychological defense that does more harm than good. Forcing Fluttershy to participate in the pegasi's drills and eventual water funneling is not helpful for her any more than forcing someone with a peanut allergy to eat a Snickers bar would be. Rainbow Dash may mean well, but her behavior toward Fluttershy in this episode is quite aggressive and borders on the abusive.
What Fluttershy really needs, if she is to heal, is a safe and supportive environment in which to explore her fear in her own terms, allowing her to take back the control she lost to her childhood bullies. And of all people, it is Angel, leading a contingent of Fluttershy's animal friends, who provides this for her. They comfort Fluttershy when she flees the training ground, hug her, groom her, and allow her a space to rest and recover, before they begin working with her in a way designed to specifically simulate not the triggers for her flashbacks, but the results--not the sound of laughter or the feeling of being mocked, but the laughing masks themselves. This is clearly uncomfortable for Fluttershy, given her expression during the training montage that ensues, but it is not itself a trigger--she does not (as she did at the training or when originally teased) see the faces multiply, look down on her, or laugh. The icon itself has no power; without the triggers and associated feelings they provoke, it is simply an image.
Fluttershy is thus able to put a crack in her negative self-image, and open the possibility of success. Unfortunately, her self-image is still that of a poor flyer. She soon learns that, despite massive improvement, she still has the lowest wingpower of the adult pegasi by a significant margin. She registers this as failure, where someone with an attitude like Rainbow Dash's might see it as success. As I said, self-image tends to be self-fulfilling; evidence that confirms what we already believe tends to be more persuasive than evidence that contradicts it.
Only an overwhelming success that garners unanimous approval is enough to overcome Fluttershy's belief in her poor self-image, and so it is only once she provides the critical final few points of wingpower needed to complete the water transfer to Cloudsdale that Fluttershy's self-image shows signs of changing. Even then, it will need a lot of work to truly improve in the long term.
Fluttershy's past invades her present, rendering her unable to clearly separate the now from the then; she was the filly who flew poorly and was picked on, and this leaks into and overwrites her present as the filly whose flying ability saved the day. Self-esteem cannot be built on anything other than genuine, meaningful accomplishment, but Fluttershy's past reality overrides her present, erasing her accomplishments almost as soon as they happen. This is as much a time-loop episode as "It's About Time," and the only thing which can break Fluttershy out of the loop is love, support, and constant reminders that she does have accomplishments, until perhaps she can begin to accept and internalize them.
The episode, in other words, functions as a bridge between the two dominant themes of the season, a way in which love can triumph over time. The transcendence of love is not in the nonsensical, cliche sense of lasting forever--no feeling can exist without a mind to feel it, and as such love cannot outlive the lover. Rather, it is that Fluttershy is empowered by the love and support of others to recognize that she is not who she was, that her present can redefine her past rather than her past always defining her present. In that sense, we are (fittingly for one of the last few episodes of the season) returning to the season opener "The Return of Harmony," when the love and shared experiences of the ponies defeated a returning ancient evil.
In the end, the episode is hopeful but inconclusive; Fluttershy seems happy, but we know as savvy viewers that future episodes will return to her timidity and low self-image. Like most of us, she needs to learn her lessons many times, in different ways, to have any hope of real change.
Next week: We haven't had a CMC episode in a while. Satirizing the news media hasn't been this adorable since <i>Network</i>. (Note: Network is not actually adorable. It's cynical and depressing and vicious and very, very good.)
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Snarky Supernatural Saturday (S1 E4-5)
Supernatural Episode 4: Phantom Traveler
Previously on Supernatural, we blew the opening credits budget on a cheap, silly text effect, so we smeared it all over the previously ons.
Also, show, you know you don’t actually need a previously on for a monster-of-the-week show... and I’m pretty sure this is shot-for-shot, line-for-line identical to last episode’s previously, just to add insult to boredom.
Okay, cute fakeout with the Hawaiian music.
My roommate’s afraid to fly, which is why I taught her what airport bars are for.
It’s Finn’s fear from that one episode of Adventure Time! It’s found a new host!
Finn’s Fear is still fond of terrible puns, I see.
Wow. He’s a lot calmer, but way more murderous than in Adventure Time.
I am seriously skeptical that opening the door on the plane makes the plane crash. I’ve seen it in a bunch of shows and movies, and just... it seems like something you could adjust for as a pilot? And like the pressure would equalize long before you crash, allowing the plane to land normally? I dunno, I don’t know much.
Dean is being paranoid! He’s going to be the next victim of Finn’s Fear.
OH MY GOD FINN’S FEAR IS OYASHIRO-SAMA
Have you noticed how I spend much of my time watching this show thinking about better shows?
Yep, Dean’s going to have to accept and face his fear.
Of course Dean’s never afraid, he’s too much of a Manly Man Who Mans.
Okay, wait. Someone has met Dean before and is willing to meet him again? I call shenanigans!
“Jerry, we’re going to need you to break a dozen privacy laws.” “No problem!” “And also get us in to see some twisted bits of metal.” “No way, that’s impossible!”
Homeland Security? Hey, maybe Dean can spend the rest of the series in Guantanamo. If anyone deserves it, it’s him.
Seven survivors? Wait, I’ve seen this one, Death itself stalks them and eliminates them in the order they would have died on the plane.
Yes, I’m even counting that cheesefest as better than this.
Finn’s fear had black eyes. Finn’s Fear is Oyashiro-sama is The Beast. It all hangs together!
I am already eager for the episode where it turns out there is a perfectly mundane explanation and nothing weird going on at all. Those were the only good episodes of The X-Files.
Oh god, I have acid reflux too. If I got an attack on a plane, I would definitely consider just opening the emergency exit and killing everyone.
Man, Blues Brothers is a great movie. Thanks for once again reminding me of something better than you are, Supernatural! They even drive an Impala!
“Yeah, I know what an EMF reader is.” “But the audience might not!”
Haha, Sam, I could watch you smack down Dean all day. Well, not really, but at least it made those 10 seconds of the show slightly more bearable.
Oh Dean and Sam, your incompetence fills my heart with... nothing, because you get the fuck away every time.
Finn’s Fear has moved or will move into Pilot Chuck now, right?
Called it!
Now Finn’s Fear is going to kill all the survivors by possessing frightened people.
Please tell me the guy on the tractor is another survivor? I like my demons efficient.
“Every religion in every world culture has the concept of demons and demon possession.” Bull. Fucking. Shit. Theravada Buddhism, assholes. Pretty sure Unitarians don’t, either. Judaism only does if you count folk superstition as part of the religion.
FYI, Keebler has (or had, it might not be there anymore, there have been some SLIGHT CHANGES in the neighborhood in the last 15 years) a snack factory in Nazareth, Israel. I have eaten Cheez-Its of Nazareth. They were slightly better than American Cheez-Its.
(Basically all Israeli food is slightly better than the American equivalent, except all the meat sucks. It is a really, really good place to go lacto-vegetarian.)
Oh look, one of the survivors is a woman. She’s either going to die or kiss Dean. I’m not sure which is worse.
I keep hearing Amanda Waller, and expecting her to kick everyone’s ass. (She’s the Olivier Mira Armstrong of the DCU. Also the Nick Fury of the DCU. She’s like if Olivier Mira Armstrong and Nick Fury had badass overweight middle-aged babies, is what I’m saying.)
Oh my god, Amanda is amazing!
Wait, no, she’s falling for the “have a friend call and tell her how sad you are” non-apology. I am disappointed, Amanda. You are NOT worthy to direct Checkmate.
Yep, Dean’s going to be possessed by Finn’s Fear.
I assumed Dean drives everywhere because flying on short notice is FUCKING EXPENSIVE.
Jesus, people. JUST FLY PLASTERED. THAT IS WHAT THE AIRPORT BAR IS FOR. Brought to you by the National Committee for People Who Don’t Drink But Enjoy Laughing At People Who Do.
I would DIE LAUGHING if they’re on the wrong plane and no one is Amanda.
Wait, so every culture in the world has demons, but the Latin name of the Christian God works on all of them? Fuck you, show, we can add christocentrism to your sexism, suspiciously monochrome cast, and othering of Native American cultures.
Okay, liking Amanda again. That’s a good attitude to take to scary things.
CALM DOWN! ARE YOU CALM YET!? IF YOU DON’T CALM DOWN THE DEMONS WILL GET YOU AND KILL US ALL! SO CALM DOWN! OR ELSE WE ALL FUCKING DIE!!!
Okay, this thing is strong enough to open a door against two tons of pressure. Why the FUCK would you believe you can last long enough against it fully incarnate to cast the second half of your little cleric spell?
“Amanda, you have to believe us, this isn’t a two-parter and we don’t have time to talk it out.” “Well... okay, I believe you.”
“Well, you’re obviously pouring acid all over my coworker, but... okay, I’ll do what you say.”
Wait, are you saying that demons know something about someone who died in hellfire? Nah, that’s just too left-field.
Blah, blah, demon causes mechanical failure on the plane, Sam chasing the book to pad out the episode, because spending these couple of minutes shaking the camera and flashing the lights was WAY more important than spending them establishing an actual motivation for Amanda to play along with Sam and Dean’s nonsense.
Hmm... Sam is unaffected by the Christian rituals. Clearly evil-babies are far more powerful and dangerous than mere demons.
Or evil-babies aren’t Christian.
No, crosses hurting vampires in Buffy doesn’t bother me. That’s obviously just because the natural predator of the vampire is the Hound of Tindalos.
Amanda neither died nor kissed Dean! She is doing better than every other woman in the series thus far!
Here, have a reminder that this series has an ongoing plot, to hide how eminently skippable this episode is!
I will be very amused if it turns out their Dad just retired, and Dean missed the note on the fridge explaining it all.
But more likely he’s just trolling them. Dean had to inherit that dickery from somewhere, and it’s obviously not their mom, because her sole purpose in existence is to die horribly, she doesn’t get character traits of her own they could inherit.
Characters so far (characters appearing in this episode are in italics, characters who have not been seen or mentioned in three episodes not included):
-Drunken, absent father
-Jerkass bully who insults everyone he meets, and we’re expected to find him charming Little to no jerkassery this episode, but he continues to be Macho McTestosteronePoisoning.
-Milquetoast who is secretly evil-baby with evil-baby fiery lady-fridging powers he can’t control
-Disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Other disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Assorted evil-babies
-Shell-necklace douchebro
-Woman who almost, but not quite, has a character (kissed Dean)
-Woman and douchebro’s little brother who exists for some reason, it’s not clear why
-Dickish hunter who, like, doesn’t know, man. He ain’t seen the shit I seen, man. (deceased)
-Immortal super-fast cannibal made of crepe paper and gasoline (deceased)
-Yet another disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot, also she is not buff and really very cute, not that you can’t be buff and cute, just ask Alex Armstrong (deceased)
-Asshole brother of disposable woman who claimed men don’t like buff women because apparently all men like the same things (deceased)
-Dad of disposable woman, also an evil-baby (deceased)
-Sheriff who is the smartest sheriff. The sheriff is also an evil-baby. (Deceased)
-Amy Acker because she needed some quick cash, or at least that’s what I’m assuming because it can’t have been the juicy part or thrilling script, this show doesn’t have those (kissed Dean)
-George John Campbell Lucas McSamePlot
-Lake-dwelling evil-baby (deceased)
-Finn’s Fear (in Hell and/or Finn’s stomach, I guess technically this aired first so it probably went to Hell, and THEN to Finn’s stomach)
-Guy possessed by Finn’s Fear, who even sort of looks like that guy from “The Satan Pit,” man I hate that episode, but I still would rather watch it than this (deceased)
-Various people on an airplane, every single one of whom was white, I counted (deceased)
-Guy who knows Winchester pere and works for an airline or airplane company or something, he had a poltergeist once, he got better
-Pilot Chuck (deceased, boring)
-Amanda Waller (Not actually in the episode, she would have made it 10,000x cooler and probably recruited Finn’s Fear to the Suicide Squad or something)
-Amanda Walker, is afraid to fly and doesn’t mind if you pour acid on her coworkers, I am just saying she is maybe not the world’s best flight attendant
-Various people on an airplane, there was one woman of color, no one died, COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT
Disposable women who exist solely to die in horrible, painful ways to create drama for the male characters and further the plot counter: 3
Women who kiss Dean: 2
Average disposable women who exist solely to die in horrible, painful ways to create drama for the male characters and further the plot per episode: .75
Average women who suffer horrible fates no one should have to endure per episode: 1.25
3/10 YOU LOST A TRINITY OF POINTS FOR CHRISTOCENTRISM BUT GOT ONE FOR AMANDA BEING ALMOST SORT OF COOL WHEN SHE WASN'T A HELPLESS PUPPET TO THE PLOT AND THIS WAS GENERALLY A PRETTY AVERAGE THING OTHERWISE SO 5+1-3=3.
I AM PUTTING WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THESE SILLY RATINGS.
Supernatural Episode 5: Bloody Mary
“Previously on Supernatural, episode one happened, and maybe two scenes from episode two.” And now I’m CERTAIN this is the same Previously On as episodes three and four.
Blah blah kids playing Bloody Mary. The absolute best version is the one Miami homeless kids came up with, where she’s the Virgin Mary gone insane with grief because Satan won and killed her husband God and son Jesus, because the kids need to explain why their entire existence is suffering. Also it is a secret religion that they are forbidden to tell anyone over the age of 12, but a really young-looking anthropologist interviewed them. Seriously, look it up, it’s awesome.
Also, as far as “things you summon by saying their names three times” go, Hastur is the best/worst.
Ah, Lily’s two friends are evil-babies.
Hey look, the little girl in the mirrors from Doctor Who.
You know how some faces just BELONG in certain decades? Lily’s older sister has a VERY 1980s face.
Hey, a scene with four girls and a man, and the girls all made it out alive? What are the odds!
Oh, good, a reminder of the episode one dual-fridging to make up for the last scene not killing any women.
I am so sick of ghoulish morgue employees. It is an obnoxious cliche. Where are the jaded, indifferent ones? The passionate committed-to-their-work ones?
“How many times has it been an actual medical thing and not something supernatural?” “I dunno, every time we’re not on camera?”
It’s not your fault, little girl. Except that it completely actually is. You summoned a demon-witch-ghost-thing and doomed as all.
Seriously though, Bloody Mary? If that actually fucking worked EVERY KID IN AMERICA would be dead.
I have NEVER heard that Bloody Mary goes for eyes. I thought she just killed you.
Okay, new girl is tough, skeptical, and too young for Dean to hit on. SHE IS PERFECT.
I give her until the next ad break, tops.
Blonde girl isn’t afraid of Bloody Mary, she’s toast.
Oh, she took her pants off in a horror movie, she’s double toast. First rule of schlock horror: If there are monsters or serial killers around, KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
Okay, the thing with the reflection glaring at her is actually pretty cool, neat effect.
Seriously though, even if Bloody Mary is confined just to this town, NO ONE SHOULD MAKE IT TO ADULTHOOD.
You know who would be way more interesting than Bloody Mary and has a thing for eyes? The Corinthian.
FOR THE GREATER GOOD (the greater good)
Blah blah she’s picking people with dark secrets, they’ll find out Lily’s dad caused a death.
Ah, “Gary Bryman” is the boy Jill caused to die. Or it could all be a coincidence, and actually it’s just that it has the same hex value as JUSTIN BAILEY.
Fuck, it’s the earlier.
It’s going to be hard to make murder charges stick when your only witness is an evil ghost.
Man, Desolation Road is an amazing book. There’s this whole sequence where there’s this murder trial, and the defense calls the GHOST OF THE DECEASED as a witness, and it’s chaos. AND THIS ISN’T EVEN A BIG PART OF THE MAIN PLOT, IT’S JUST A SIDE STORY. Such a gloriously weird, joyful little book.
Girl whose name I don’t think was ever said is refusing to say “Bloody Mary,” she’s definitely going to die.
“The way her eyes cut out, it was almost... surgical.”
The cliches, they burn! Burn so much they even cremated Mary Worthington.
“And so the atom lost an electron to the very atom it was attracted to. How ionic.”
Ah, Charlie! That’s her name.
Another problem with this “every superstition is true” kind of story: So mirrors can trap ghosts? And also anyone who dies violently becomes a ghost? And who knows how many other ways there are to make ghosts? HOW IS THE PLANET NOT ASS DEEP IN GHOSTS?
Also, is there anyone in this town who DIDN’T secretly kill someone? Toledo, Ohio, secret murder capital of America.
Okay, public service announcement: There is NOTHING you can do or say to either cause or prevent another person’s suicide. Suicide is a SYMPTOM of a DISEASE, the most common disease in America. It can only be prevented by MEDICAL TREATMENT by doctors and therapists.
Blah blah Sam blames himself for the death of Jesse because he is an EVIL-BABY who causes MASS FRIDGING.
Wait, Sam still has secrets related to Jesse? People nunned like crazy in response to my comments on the first episode... is he really an evil-baby? Is that the secret? Because if that is the secret I will take back, like, THREE of the bad things I said about this show.
Estate Antiques: Umpteen Bajillion Mirrors.
HOLY SHIT WERE THOSE WEEPING ANGELS okay no they’re just mannequins
Doctor Who is a CHILDREN’S SHOW from BRITAIN and yet it manages to be scarier than this on a fairly regular basis
Previously on Supernatural, we blew the opening credits budget on a cheap, silly text effect, so we smeared it all over the previously ons.
Also, show, you know you don’t actually need a previously on for a monster-of-the-week show... and I’m pretty sure this is shot-for-shot, line-for-line identical to last episode’s previously, just to add insult to boredom.
Okay, cute fakeout with the Hawaiian music.
My roommate’s afraid to fly, which is why I taught her what airport bars are for.
It’s Finn’s fear from that one episode of Adventure Time! It’s found a new host!
Finn’s Fear is still fond of terrible puns, I see.
Wow. He’s a lot calmer, but way more murderous than in Adventure Time.
I am seriously skeptical that opening the door on the plane makes the plane crash. I’ve seen it in a bunch of shows and movies, and just... it seems like something you could adjust for as a pilot? And like the pressure would equalize long before you crash, allowing the plane to land normally? I dunno, I don’t know much.
Dean is being paranoid! He’s going to be the next victim of Finn’s Fear.
OH MY GOD FINN’S FEAR IS OYASHIRO-SAMA
Have you noticed how I spend much of my time watching this show thinking about better shows?
Yep, Dean’s going to have to accept and face his fear.
Of course Dean’s never afraid, he’s too much of a Manly Man Who Mans.
Okay, wait. Someone has met Dean before and is willing to meet him again? I call shenanigans!
“Jerry, we’re going to need you to break a dozen privacy laws.” “No problem!” “And also get us in to see some twisted bits of metal.” “No way, that’s impossible!”
Homeland Security? Hey, maybe Dean can spend the rest of the series in Guantanamo. If anyone deserves it, it’s him.
Seven survivors? Wait, I’ve seen this one, Death itself stalks them and eliminates them in the order they would have died on the plane.
Yes, I’m even counting that cheesefest as better than this.
Finn’s fear had black eyes. Finn’s Fear is Oyashiro-sama is The Beast. It all hangs together!
I am already eager for the episode where it turns out there is a perfectly mundane explanation and nothing weird going on at all. Those were the only good episodes of The X-Files.
Oh god, I have acid reflux too. If I got an attack on a plane, I would definitely consider just opening the emergency exit and killing everyone.
Man, Blues Brothers is a great movie. Thanks for once again reminding me of something better than you are, Supernatural! They even drive an Impala!
“Yeah, I know what an EMF reader is.” “But the audience might not!”
Haha, Sam, I could watch you smack down Dean all day. Well, not really, but at least it made those 10 seconds of the show slightly more bearable.
Oh Dean and Sam, your incompetence fills my heart with... nothing, because you get the fuck away every time.
Finn’s Fear has moved or will move into Pilot Chuck now, right?
Called it!
Now Finn’s Fear is going to kill all the survivors by possessing frightened people.
Please tell me the guy on the tractor is another survivor? I like my demons efficient.
“Every religion in every world culture has the concept of demons and demon possession.” Bull. Fucking. Shit. Theravada Buddhism, assholes. Pretty sure Unitarians don’t, either. Judaism only does if you count folk superstition as part of the religion.
FYI, Keebler has (or had, it might not be there anymore, there have been some SLIGHT CHANGES in the neighborhood in the last 15 years) a snack factory in Nazareth, Israel. I have eaten Cheez-Its of Nazareth. They were slightly better than American Cheez-Its.
(Basically all Israeli food is slightly better than the American equivalent, except all the meat sucks. It is a really, really good place to go lacto-vegetarian.)
Oh look, one of the survivors is a woman. She’s either going to die or kiss Dean. I’m not sure which is worse.
I keep hearing Amanda Waller, and expecting her to kick everyone’s ass. (She’s the Olivier Mira Armstrong of the DCU. Also the Nick Fury of the DCU. She’s like if Olivier Mira Armstrong and Nick Fury had badass overweight middle-aged babies, is what I’m saying.)
Oh my god, Amanda is amazing!
Wait, no, she’s falling for the “have a friend call and tell her how sad you are” non-apology. I am disappointed, Amanda. You are NOT worthy to direct Checkmate.
Yep, Dean’s going to be possessed by Finn’s Fear.
I assumed Dean drives everywhere because flying on short notice is FUCKING EXPENSIVE.
Jesus, people. JUST FLY PLASTERED. THAT IS WHAT THE AIRPORT BAR IS FOR. Brought to you by the National Committee for People Who Don’t Drink But Enjoy Laughing At People Who Do.
I would DIE LAUGHING if they’re on the wrong plane and no one is Amanda.
Wait, so every culture in the world has demons, but the Latin name of the Christian God works on all of them? Fuck you, show, we can add christocentrism to your sexism, suspiciously monochrome cast, and othering of Native American cultures.
Okay, liking Amanda again. That’s a good attitude to take to scary things.
CALM DOWN! ARE YOU CALM YET!? IF YOU DON’T CALM DOWN THE DEMONS WILL GET YOU AND KILL US ALL! SO CALM DOWN! OR ELSE WE ALL FUCKING DIE!!!
Okay, this thing is strong enough to open a door against two tons of pressure. Why the FUCK would you believe you can last long enough against it fully incarnate to cast the second half of your little cleric spell?
“Amanda, you have to believe us, this isn’t a two-parter and we don’t have time to talk it out.” “Well... okay, I believe you.”
“Well, you’re obviously pouring acid all over my coworker, but... okay, I’ll do what you say.”
Wait, are you saying that demons know something about someone who died in hellfire? Nah, that’s just too left-field.
Blah, blah, demon causes mechanical failure on the plane, Sam chasing the book to pad out the episode, because spending these couple of minutes shaking the camera and flashing the lights was WAY more important than spending them establishing an actual motivation for Amanda to play along with Sam and Dean’s nonsense.
Hmm... Sam is unaffected by the Christian rituals. Clearly evil-babies are far more powerful and dangerous than mere demons.
Or evil-babies aren’t Christian.
No, crosses hurting vampires in Buffy doesn’t bother me. That’s obviously just because the natural predator of the vampire is the Hound of Tindalos.
Amanda neither died nor kissed Dean! She is doing better than every other woman in the series thus far!
Here, have a reminder that this series has an ongoing plot, to hide how eminently skippable this episode is!
I will be very amused if it turns out their Dad just retired, and Dean missed the note on the fridge explaining it all.
But more likely he’s just trolling them. Dean had to inherit that dickery from somewhere, and it’s obviously not their mom, because her sole purpose in existence is to die horribly, she doesn’t get character traits of her own they could inherit.
Characters so far (characters appearing in this episode are in italics, characters who have not been seen or mentioned in three episodes not included):
-Drunken, absent father
-Jerkass bully who insults everyone he meets, and we’re expected to find him charming Little to no jerkassery this episode, but he continues to be Macho McTestosteronePoisoning.
-Milquetoast who is secretly evil-baby with evil-baby fiery lady-fridging powers he can’t control
-Disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Other disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Assorted evil-babies
-Shell-necklace douchebro
-Woman who almost, but not quite, has a character (kissed Dean)
-Woman and douchebro’s little brother who exists for some reason, it’s not clear why
-Dickish hunter who, like, doesn’t know, man. He ain’t seen the shit I seen, man. (deceased)
-Immortal super-fast cannibal made of crepe paper and gasoline (deceased)
-Yet another disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot, also she is not buff and really very cute, not that you can’t be buff and cute, just ask Alex Armstrong (deceased)
-Asshole brother of disposable woman who claimed men don’t like buff women because apparently all men like the same things (deceased)
-Dad of disposable woman, also an evil-baby (deceased)
-Sheriff who is the smartest sheriff. The sheriff is also an evil-baby. (Deceased)
-Amy Acker because she needed some quick cash, or at least that’s what I’m assuming because it can’t have been the juicy part or thrilling script, this show doesn’t have those (kissed Dean)
-George John Campbell Lucas McSamePlot
-Lake-dwelling evil-baby (deceased)
-Finn’s Fear (in Hell and/or Finn’s stomach, I guess technically this aired first so it probably went to Hell, and THEN to Finn’s stomach)
-Guy possessed by Finn’s Fear, who even sort of looks like that guy from “The Satan Pit,” man I hate that episode, but I still would rather watch it than this (deceased)
-Various people on an airplane, every single one of whom was white, I counted (deceased)
-Guy who knows Winchester pere and works for an airline or airplane company or something, he had a poltergeist once, he got better
-Pilot Chuck (deceased, boring)
-Amanda Waller (Not actually in the episode, she would have made it 10,000x cooler and probably recruited Finn’s Fear to the Suicide Squad or something)
-Amanda Walker, is afraid to fly and doesn’t mind if you pour acid on her coworkers, I am just saying she is maybe not the world’s best flight attendant
-Various people on an airplane, there was one woman of color, no one died, COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT
Disposable women who exist solely to die in horrible, painful ways to create drama for the male characters and further the plot counter: 3
Women who kiss Dean: 2
Average disposable women who exist solely to die in horrible, painful ways to create drama for the male characters and further the plot per episode: .75
Average women who suffer horrible fates no one should have to endure per episode: 1.25
3/10 YOU LOST A TRINITY OF POINTS FOR CHRISTOCENTRISM BUT GOT ONE FOR AMANDA BEING ALMOST SORT OF COOL WHEN SHE WASN'T A HELPLESS PUPPET TO THE PLOT AND THIS WAS GENERALLY A PRETTY AVERAGE THING OTHERWISE SO 5+1-3=3.
I AM PUTTING WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THESE SILLY RATINGS.
Supernatural Episode 5: Bloody Mary
“Previously on Supernatural, episode one happened, and maybe two scenes from episode two.” And now I’m CERTAIN this is the same Previously On as episodes three and four.
Blah blah kids playing Bloody Mary. The absolute best version is the one Miami homeless kids came up with, where she’s the Virgin Mary gone insane with grief because Satan won and killed her husband God and son Jesus, because the kids need to explain why their entire existence is suffering. Also it is a secret religion that they are forbidden to tell anyone over the age of 12, but a really young-looking anthropologist interviewed them. Seriously, look it up, it’s awesome.
Also, as far as “things you summon by saying their names three times” go, Hastur is the best/worst.
Ah, Lily’s two friends are evil-babies.
Hey look, the little girl in the mirrors from Doctor Who.
You know how some faces just BELONG in certain decades? Lily’s older sister has a VERY 1980s face.
Hey, a scene with four girls and a man, and the girls all made it out alive? What are the odds!
Oh, good, a reminder of the episode one dual-fridging to make up for the last scene not killing any women.
I am so sick of ghoulish morgue employees. It is an obnoxious cliche. Where are the jaded, indifferent ones? The passionate committed-to-their-work ones?
“How many times has it been an actual medical thing and not something supernatural?” “I dunno, every time we’re not on camera?”
It’s not your fault, little girl. Except that it completely actually is. You summoned a demon-witch-ghost-thing and doomed as all.
Seriously though, Bloody Mary? If that actually fucking worked EVERY KID IN AMERICA would be dead.
I have NEVER heard that Bloody Mary goes for eyes. I thought she just killed you.
Okay, new girl is tough, skeptical, and too young for Dean to hit on. SHE IS PERFECT.
I give her until the next ad break, tops.
Blonde girl isn’t afraid of Bloody Mary, she’s toast.
Oh, she took her pants off in a horror movie, she’s double toast. First rule of schlock horror: If there are monsters or serial killers around, KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
Okay, the thing with the reflection glaring at her is actually pretty cool, neat effect.
Seriously though, even if Bloody Mary is confined just to this town, NO ONE SHOULD MAKE IT TO ADULTHOOD.
You know who would be way more interesting than Bloody Mary and has a thing for eyes? The Corinthian.
FOR THE GREATER GOOD (the greater good)
Blah blah she’s picking people with dark secrets, they’ll find out Lily’s dad caused a death.
Ah, “Gary Bryman” is the boy Jill caused to die. Or it could all be a coincidence, and actually it’s just that it has the same hex value as JUSTIN BAILEY.
Fuck, it’s the earlier.
It’s going to be hard to make murder charges stick when your only witness is an evil ghost.
Man, Desolation Road is an amazing book. There’s this whole sequence where there’s this murder trial, and the defense calls the GHOST OF THE DECEASED as a witness, and it’s chaos. AND THIS ISN’T EVEN A BIG PART OF THE MAIN PLOT, IT’S JUST A SIDE STORY. Such a gloriously weird, joyful little book.
Girl whose name I don’t think was ever said is refusing to say “Bloody Mary,” she’s definitely going to die.
“The way her eyes cut out, it was almost... surgical.”
The cliches, they burn! Burn so much they even cremated Mary Worthington.
“And so the atom lost an electron to the very atom it was attracted to. How ionic.”
Ah, Charlie! That’s her name.
Another problem with this “every superstition is true” kind of story: So mirrors can trap ghosts? And also anyone who dies violently becomes a ghost? And who knows how many other ways there are to make ghosts? HOW IS THE PLANET NOT ASS DEEP IN GHOSTS?
Also, is there anyone in this town who DIDN’T secretly kill someone? Toledo, Ohio, secret murder capital of America.
Okay, public service announcement: There is NOTHING you can do or say to either cause or prevent another person’s suicide. Suicide is a SYMPTOM of a DISEASE, the most common disease in America. It can only be prevented by MEDICAL TREATMENT by doctors and therapists.
Blah blah Sam blames himself for the death of Jesse because he is an EVIL-BABY who causes MASS FRIDGING.
Wait, Sam still has secrets related to Jesse? People nunned like crazy in response to my comments on the first episode... is he really an evil-baby? Is that the secret? Because if that is the secret I will take back, like, THREE of the bad things I said about this show.
Estate Antiques: Umpteen Bajillion Mirrors.
HOLY SHIT WERE THOSE WEEPING ANGELS okay no they’re just mannequins
Doctor Who is a CHILDREN’S SHOW from BRITAIN and yet it manages to be scarier than this on a fairly regular basis
This show’s biggest crime, all the social justice issues aside, is that it’s BORING
Bloody Mary is actually going after Dean because he has deadly secrets, isn’t she?
Did Dean kill their dad? That would be a pretty excellent plot twist.
JESUS CHRIST SAM YOU’RE LOOKING FOR MARY
Also Dean for fuck’s sake quit lying you are AWFUL AT IT AND ALWAYS GET CAUGHT it used to be funny but now it’s just awful
*sigh* These cops are incompetent. I miss Sheriff Evil-Baby.
Oh, Sam predicted Jesse’s death and didn’t do anything. Meh, I was hoping he was going to be a confirmed Evil-Baby, but I guess that’s more season finale type stuff.
Oh look, the Supernatural people watched The Ring.
Oh are you serious? They held a mirror up to her and she MIRRORED HERSELF and went down to hell where all the evil ghost-ladies and their evil-babies go? WEAKSAUCE
But at least I was wrong about Charlie dying AND she didn’t kiss Dean SHE IS THE BEST
D’aww Sam is talking to Charlie but really to himself and it would be a really cute parallel IF I GAVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT SAM’S FEELINGS
I bet Sam’s brofusal (that started as a typo but I liked it too much to fix it) to talk about his secret will never ever come back to haunt him
Hey look, Jesse is standing silently staring at Sam SHE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND STILL EXISTS ONLY AS A THING FOR SAM TO EMOTE OVER
This show is like the anti-FMA, Jesse is the anti-Nina
Sam is the anti-Al
Dean is basically Ed though to be honest only not as smart and hornier
Characters so far (characters appearing in this episode are in italics, characters who have not been seen or mentioned in three episodes not included):
-Drunken, absent father
-Jerkass bully who insults everyone he meets, and we’re expected to find him charming Pretty much not a jerkass this episode, instead had as little personality as his brother, but at least he didn’t perv on anyone or get kisses this episode
-Milquetoast who is secretly evil-baby with evil-baby fiery lady-fridging powers he can’t control also prophetic dreams apparently
-Disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Other disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Assorted evil-babies I am counting Lily’s friends, they were jerks
-Yet another disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot, also she is not buff and really very cute, not that you can’t be buff and cute, just ask Alex Armstrong (deceased)
-Asshole brother of disposable woman who claimed men don’t like buff women because apparently all men like the same things (deceased)
-Dad of disposable woman, also an evil-baby (deceased)
-Sheriff who is the smartest sheriff. The sheriff is also an evil-baby. (Deceased)
-Amy Acker because she needed some quick cash, or at least that’s what I’m assuming because it can’t have been the juicy part or thrilling script, this show doesn’t have those (kissed Dean)
-George John Campbell Lucas McSamePlot He is in every episode lurking menacingly just off-camera, the scariest thing in this show so far is the possibility it’s going to go all Hero’s Journey
-Lake-dwelling evil-baby (deceased)
-Finn’s Fear (in Hell and/or Finn’s stomach)
-Guy possessed by Finn’s Fear (deceased)
-Various white people on an airplane (deceased)
-Guy who knows Winchester pere, he had a poltergeist once, he got better
-Pilot Chuck (deceased, boring)
-Amanda Walker, is afraid to fly and doesn’t mind if you pour acid on her coworkers, I’m just saying she’s maybe not the world’s best flight attendant
-Various white people and one WOC on an airplane
-Lily, has evil-baby friends, also it is all her fault
-Charlie, she is the best, why couldn’t she have been played by Amy Acker?
-Jill, who existed to be not very nice and then die to further the plot (died to further the plot, technically not a fridging because none of the male characters gave a fuck)
-80s face girl, apparently not responsible for any deaths, the virgins in whose blood she bathed in order too look like a teenager even though she’s actually 35.
-Woman who is so disposable we never even find out the truth about how she died and no one cares (deceased)
-Some other people maybe, I no longer care
-Bloody Mary, who somehow died decades after her own legend started, also she was defeated in a really silly way, it was no dragged into hell by the evil-baby ghosts she herself killed, I tell you what
Bloody Mary is actually going after Dean because he has deadly secrets, isn’t she?
Did Dean kill their dad? That would be a pretty excellent plot twist.
JESUS CHRIST SAM YOU’RE LOOKING FOR MARY
Also Dean for fuck’s sake quit lying you are AWFUL AT IT AND ALWAYS GET CAUGHT it used to be funny but now it’s just awful
*sigh* These cops are incompetent. I miss Sheriff Evil-Baby.
Oh, Sam predicted Jesse’s death and didn’t do anything. Meh, I was hoping he was going to be a confirmed Evil-Baby, but I guess that’s more season finale type stuff.
Oh look, the Supernatural people watched The Ring.
Oh are you serious? They held a mirror up to her and she MIRRORED HERSELF and went down to hell where all the evil ghost-ladies and their evil-babies go? WEAKSAUCE
But at least I was wrong about Charlie dying AND she didn’t kiss Dean SHE IS THE BEST
D’aww Sam is talking to Charlie but really to himself and it would be a really cute parallel IF I GAVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT SAM’S FEELINGS
I bet Sam’s brofusal (that started as a typo but I liked it too much to fix it) to talk about his secret will never ever come back to haunt him
Hey look, Jesse is standing silently staring at Sam SHE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND STILL EXISTS ONLY AS A THING FOR SAM TO EMOTE OVER
This show is like the anti-FMA, Jesse is the anti-Nina
Sam is the anti-Al
Dean is basically Ed though to be honest only not as smart and hornier
Characters so far (characters appearing in this episode are in italics, characters who have not been seen or mentioned in three episodes not included):
-Drunken, absent father
-Jerkass bully who insults everyone he meets, and we’re expected to find him charming Pretty much not a jerkass this episode, instead had as little personality as his brother, but at least he didn’t perv on anyone or get kisses this episode
-Milquetoast who is secretly evil-baby with evil-baby fiery lady-fridging powers he can’t control also prophetic dreams apparently
-Disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Other disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot (deceased)
-Assorted evil-babies I am counting Lily’s friends, they were jerks
-Yet another disposable woman who exists solely to die in a horrible, painful way to create drama for the male characters and further the plot, also she is not buff and really very cute, not that you can’t be buff and cute, just ask Alex Armstrong (deceased)
-Asshole brother of disposable woman who claimed men don’t like buff women because apparently all men like the same things (deceased)
-Dad of disposable woman, also an evil-baby (deceased)
-Sheriff who is the smartest sheriff. The sheriff is also an evil-baby. (Deceased)
-Amy Acker because she needed some quick cash, or at least that’s what I’m assuming because it can’t have been the juicy part or thrilling script, this show doesn’t have those (kissed Dean)
-George John Campbell Lucas McSamePlot He is in every episode lurking menacingly just off-camera, the scariest thing in this show so far is the possibility it’s going to go all Hero’s Journey
-Lake-dwelling evil-baby (deceased)
-Finn’s Fear (in Hell and/or Finn’s stomach)
-Guy possessed by Finn’s Fear (deceased)
-Various white people on an airplane (deceased)
-Guy who knows Winchester pere, he had a poltergeist once, he got better
-Pilot Chuck (deceased, boring)
-Amanda Walker, is afraid to fly and doesn’t mind if you pour acid on her coworkers, I’m just saying she’s maybe not the world’s best flight attendant
-Various white people and one WOC on an airplane
-Lily, has evil-baby friends, also it is all her fault
-Charlie, she is the best, why couldn’t she have been played by Amy Acker?
-Jill, who existed to be not very nice and then die to further the plot (died to further the plot, technically not a fridging because none of the male characters gave a fuck)
-80s face girl, apparently not responsible for any deaths, the virgins in whose blood she bathed in order too look like a teenager even though she’s actually 35.
-Woman who is so disposable we never even find out the truth about how she died and no one cares (deceased)
-Some other people maybe, I no longer care
-Bloody Mary, who somehow died decades after her own legend started, also she was defeated in a really silly way, it was no dragged into hell by the evil-baby ghosts she herself killed, I tell you what
Disposable women who exist solely to die in horrible, painful ways to
create drama for the male characters and further the plot counter: 4
Women who kiss Dean: 2
Average disposable women who exist solely to die in horrible, painful ways to create drama for the male characters and further the plot per episode: .8
Average women who suffer horrible fates no one should have to endure per episode: 1.2
Final Rating: 2/10 IT WAS BORING AND I’M TIRED AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINED FROM WATCHING MARK WATCH THE LAST THREE FMAB EPISODES ALSO I TOOK OFF AN EXTRA POINT FOR NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED TO MRS SHOEMAKER WE FINALLY HAVE A WOMAN THE WRITERS CARE LESS ABOUT THAN MARY AND JESSE
Women who kiss Dean: 2
Average disposable women who exist solely to die in horrible, painful ways to create drama for the male characters and further the plot per episode: .8
Average women who suffer horrible fates no one should have to endure per episode: 1.2
Final Rating: 2/10 IT WAS BORING AND I’M TIRED AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINED FROM WATCHING MARK WATCH THE LAST THREE FMAB EPISODES ALSO I TOOK OFF AN EXTRA POINT FOR NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED TO MRS SHOEMAKER WE FINALLY HAVE A WOMAN THE WRITERS CARE LESS ABOUT THAN MARY AND JESSE
So... are people enjoying these? Because one the one hand they're pretty easy, but on the other hand, you know, they require me to watch Supernatural, so I really only want to do them if people like them...
Friday, November 8, 2013
Angel Bunny
"Hurricane Fluttershy" is an excellent example of what I mean about how Angel is frequently depicted as being in a caretaker role for Fluttershy. He's tremendously kind and supportive toward her throughout the episode, taking the lead of the animals trying to comfort her as she struggles with her PTSD. In isolation to this episode, it's quite heartwarming... unfortunately, in combination with episodes like "Putting Your Hoof Down," it just makes his relationship with Fluttershy feel even more like an abusive relationship--abusers can often be quite supportive and caring when they're happy, since this increases their victims' dependency on them and helps assuage any guilt they may feel over their abusive behavior when unhappy--it allows the abuser (and, frequently, bystanders) to treat the abuse as a momentary aberration brought on by extreme circumstances, rather than a pattern.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)